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As you think about the upcoming season, do you find yourself wondering how to survive holiday conversations about homeschooling?

SO many of us are.

I guarantee it!

And as homeschoolers, we often face unique challenges during the holidays, wondering exactly how to survive holiday conversations about homeschooling.

Because we KNOW these questions and comments are coming, am I right!?!

I’m not sure about you, but as I think about spending time with loved ones this holiday season, I foresee many differing opinions and worldviews.

And to some extent, this has always been the case.

But this year feels especially full of potential conversational landmines. 

Feeling Frazzled by the Holidays?

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There’s just so much happening in the world right now.

So many divisive opinions. Natural disasters and humanitarian crises. Political systems in upheaval.

The world feels especially noisy.

And for those of us who are homeschooling, we often have the added pressure of fielding questions about how we’re educating our children.

We anticipate being cornered by Great Aunt Sue who “just can’t understand why anyone would choose to homeschool” or listening to Uncle Joe ruthlessly quiz our kids on the U.S. presidents.

Oh boy. How relaxing.

But I have some good news.

With every year that I homeschool, I have picked up more and more tools to use when I’m in a potentially hostile homeschooling environment.

I’ve learned some effective ways to answer questions when they arise.

So if you’re wondering how to survive holiday conversations about homeschooling, you’re in the right place!

Because there are quite a few effective ways to not only survive these potentially awkward conversations but to actually feel even more secure and validated in your choice to homeschool.

Let’s go over some of them, shall we?

How to survive holiday conversations about homeschooling:

1. Be realistic

Even though we know that Uncle Tim always brings up the topic of immigration and Aunt Sue always wants to discuss gun reform, for some reason we are completely surprised when they do it again year after year.

Why?

Let’s enter our holiday gatherings with realistic expectations. Let’s not be so shocked when history repeats itself, OK? 

Be realistic.

2. Have a ‘Backup Buddy‘

This could be your spouse, mom, cousin, brother… someone who is supportive of your family’s decision to homeschool.

Your backup buddy should be someone who can observe when a conversation might be getting heated and is then willing to jump in and offer support.

If at all possible, recruit this trusted individual before your actual holiday gathering. But at the very least, pull them aside as soon as you arrive and ask for their support then.

Get yourself a Backup Buddy.

3. Take a breather

Fight or flight?

As someone who hates conflict, I tend to prefer flight!

And for the sake of keeping the peace at holiday gatherings, I generally encourage you to default to flight too.

If you feel your face growing red and your heart rate excel, it’s time for you to take a breather. Excuse yourself to see if the kitchen needs cleaning up, step outside for some fresh air, or head to the bathroom.

Give yourself a chance to cool off before you say something you regret.

Don’t be afraid to take a breather.

4. Create a story about the person

This tactic has saved me some serious stress over the years!

Here’s how it works:

Someone is acting like a complete moron, behaving like a lunatic and is way out of line. But instead of getting swept up in their negativity and drama, (which I realize is easier said than done) I take an emotional step back and create a story about them.

They’re late on their mortgage payment.

They just had a fight with their significant other.

Work has been miserable.

Because the truth is that we never really know what someone else is going through, do we? And not that any of these stories justify awful behavior but it does provide a window for compassion and a bit more tolerance.

It helps me, anyway, so maybe you’ll find it helpful too!

Go ahead and create a story about the person. See if it helps you too. 

5. Answer with “hmmm” or “that’s interesting”

We’re often so quick to defend our positions.

And then while the person we’re in conversation with begins to respond to what we’ve just said, we’re not even listening to what they’re saying at all. We’re too busy constructing what we’re going to say next.

But instead of wasting all of that time arguing over a topic neither person will likely change their minds on, why not respond with a brief “hmmm”, or “that’s interesting” instead?

Suddenly there is no more fuel for the fire.

We’ve created space.

The other person can continue arguing their side, sure, but without us getting riled up and engaging, the conversation might diffuse naturally.

So go ahead and try the response, “hmmm” or “that’s interesting” and see what transpires.

6. Default to Other Homeschooling Success Stories

If you feel like you need to arrive with a mental list of the benefits of homeschooling, I urge you to stop and take a deep breath.

Instead of feeling like you need to be the poster child for homeschooling, why not default to other legitimate information about homeschooling success stories? Websites, articles, interviews, podcasts, statistics, and real-life examples of successful homeschooling provides sound support while relieving you of unnecessary pressure.

Simply saying, “It sounds like you’re really interested in homeschooling. I’ve got some wonderful resources you can check out!” is a great way to bring the conversation to a close.

You can always default to other homeschooling success stories. 

7. Refuse to engage

While uncomfortable conversations and family arguments can leave us feeling like a hostage, this is not, in fact, the case.

You are a grown-up.

A full-grown adult who is completely capable of disengaging from any conversation you don’t want to engage in. If you don’t like the negative turn a conversation has taken, or you foresee things getting heated, simply say, “I don’t want to have this conversation” and be done.

Remember, you have the power to refuse to engage.

8. It’s Not About You

I know, it feels like it’s completely about you!

But honestly, it’s not.

Anyone who is jonesing for a debate or an argument is likely not, in fact, interested in your experience, decision-making process, and your current journey.

The rigid hostility that might be coming at you hard and fast is about this other person.

So take a deep breath and remember, it’s not about you.

9. Find common ground

At first, this might feel impossible.

But I guarantee you’ve got some common ground.

Maybe it’s your mutual obsession over Aunt Kathy’s pumpkin pie. Or the fondness you feel towards your nieces and nephews.

You might have to dig a bit, but I know you can come up with something. Try to keep your focus here.

Find common ground.

10. Give Yourself a Pat on the Back

I’m serious!

Holiday gatherings can be HARD. Showing up and doing your best are no small tasks.

And this time of year, while the focus is often on holiday shopping, dishes to prepare, and people to connect with, we often forget to acknowledge the parts that can feel really hard and uncomfortable.

So please, give yourself a pat on the back.

I really hope you’re able to use this information to not only survive holiday conversations about homeschooling but to find plenty of moments of joy and relaxation as well.

If you want even more detailed responses to common questions about homeschooling that often arise, be sure to check out my post, Help! How do I Answer all of These Questions About Homeschooling!?!  And if you have any specific concerns as the holidays are approaching, be sure to let me know!